Somewhere Over the Rainbow

The Life of a...Librarian.

My ten year old Camry has taken to the highway like the roadhog she is, smooth as butter at 80mph as I try to keep up with Phoenix traffic.

I commute against the rush hours on a big highway and some days it’s a mix between Fury Road and Frogger. When the construction is done it’ll be a mind-boggling ribbon of asphalt 10-12 lanes wide out to the far southeast suburbs of the Valley, which is where I now work, across from the last big cornfield in the area.

Dear Reader, I am so happy to report that my new day job is fantastic. Worth the 20 minute commute against traffic out to BFE.

I now supervise a staff of eleven, four of whom also drive Camry’s - and getting to know my new coworkers has been wonderful.

My boss, the branch manager, is great. We work together well and have a similar style and philosophy on library services and the same GenX touchpoints.

She has made it known that she’s thrilled to have me on board and the staff has, too. I fit right in, and they’ve all welcomed me and gotten me trained up.

They’ve told me she’s the best boss they’ve ever had and I believe them.

Unlike my last boss, she’s created a low-key and low-pressure environment. There is no tension, no politics, no drama, no sabotage. It’s very straightforward and helpful, with clear policies and expectations. No big egos, no power trips, no disputes, no tiptoeing around, no hidden agenda.

It’s professional, customer-centered, and polite, but it’s also real, and it’s so amazing to be back in my natural habitat.

Out here in the cornfield, I feel right at home.

—

One of the many responsibilities of this new position is to help with programming - which basically means to create classes and events for the community that take place at the library.

I’ve been doing programming for 20 years, so of course, I had a list of ideas during the interview process, and I didn’t hide that I was a writer, or that I had been freelancing with my publishing/editing/coaching over the past few years.

My new boss thought it was awesome. After I was hired, her boss, the regional manager, actually read my book and loved it and knew I’d be a perfect fit for the position.

Sex, drugs, rock n’ roll - my Metalhead Librarian story continues to connect me to good people. This is the power of memoir.

With their enthusiastic support, in January, I will launch my first writing program: a Silent Writing Group at the library.

I borrowed the idea from my friend Lauren Sapala, who hosts regular Silent Writing groups and reports wonderful results from this method. No prompts, no critiques, no sharing required. It’s an accountability group for introverts, a way to find community, and a tool to help form a regular writing habit.

Of course, I’ll facilitate, but I’ll also participate. The idea is to build a community of writers around the library and then to serve that community with regular programs, resources, and support. Right in my wheelhouse.

I think I’ve found a little pocket of paradise out here in the sticks.

–

I was reminded of this idea again recently, like it was a sign.

First it was Liz Gilbert, then I heard it from Steven Pressfield - that you should not ask your writing to support you. That you should not place any kind of monetary pressure on your creative output.

The idea, instead, is that you work to support it. All the choices you make, you work to support the writing.

If the writing takes off - awesome. If you can retire from a day job because of your writing - wonderful. If someone wants to buy the rights to your book to turn into a screenplay - brilliant. But the writing comes first, and the money follows.

(...unless you’ve been hired to ghostwrite a book or are actually employed as a writer, like on a TV show or at a magazine - but in those circumstances sometimes you aren’t working on YOUR stuff. You’re flipping literary burgers, working for someone else to earn a paycheck. Which is great, of course, but not the same thing as working on your own passion project for free and on faith…)

Having a paycheck flowing into my checking account again has helped unlock whatever has been stuck, creatively.

Lately, I feel ON FIRE.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my increased creative flow is linked to the increased money flow.

In fact, it might be a key factor in getting the next two books finished, edited and done. With a regular paycheck, I don’t feel guilty about writing expenses, I don’t feel broke, and I don’t feel desperate. I can just do my thing, on my timeline.

I’m not going to lie: being away from home 50 hours a week is rough, but it’s doable for the purpose of supporting my writing and getting my kids through college. I still have at least one hour every day that I can spend writing.

Honestly, besides being a mom, being a librarian is the one thing I’m “good” at in life. Both came naturally to me, with no big struggle.

But the writing? I struggle with it so much.

Now, at least, I can afford to struggle.

And, it’s a relief to be good at something, again.

I’m so grateful.

-

If I look out across the cornfield, I can see beautiful mountains all around me - the Superstitions, Four Peaks, Red Mountain, The McDowells, and Camelback Mountain, a small triangle hunched out in the distance. The drive to work at sunrise is spectacular.

I’ve come a long way to be here.

And if I look out the front doors of the library and across the parking lot I can see three horses, a couple of goats, and some chickens pecking about a small, old ranchette.

This makes me unspeakably happy for some reason. Horses, goats and chickens, right there!

We are near a high school and a retirement community so we have teens and oldsters, but we also have three storytimes a week, so there are lots of families and little people, too. I love it. We have no issues with vagrants, hippies, or the unhoused. I’m only half-kidding, but seriously - I feel SAFE out here.

One minute, I’m answering payroll questions for HR and filling out schedules and spreadsheets, the next I’m laughing at children’s books, then I’m recruited to help decorate the library, then I’m getting ready for interviews to hire a new Library Assistant. I set up displays, I help customers, I have conversations with dozens of people every day.

My social battery is drained, but I feel like what I do matters. I was born to be a librarian - as much as I was born to be a writer, and a mom.

The thing is, after almost eighteen years at my last job, and with the last five of them spent in a silent war with a mentally unstable, vindictive library director - I had lost hope, I had lost motivation, I had lost confidence.

I wasn’t even myself anymore. I was dealing with something that seemed - supernatural. A dark force. Evil, maybe even. It’s taken me a while to get over it.

But I’m here now and I realize - I AM Ok. I AM over it. I have the story.

Holy shit, do I have the story.

It was all worth it. Painful, but worth it. I lost friends and burned bridges, but I did the right thing. I’ve always known it, but now I can explain it.

I won the war, and this new job is the reward.

There’s a pot of gold out here in this cornfield.

Taken by AMO during a recent rain event in PHX.