Pop! Goes the Metalhead Librarian
Dear Readers and Friends,
We are almost upon September which is my personal New Year, my birthday month, and the turn towards a cooler season, thank goodness.
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I always think of August as the time to make sure I’m ready for the next year of my life in hopes that it will be the year that I finally get my shit together.
Do I ever? Nah. Maybe? Who knows.
My first book, Adventures of a Metalhead Librarian, turns four years old, and as of September 1st, I’ve been writing this Substack for two years.
I’m still getting lots of great feedback from that book, and it’s finding new readers, which is so awesome.
And, this little publication continues to grow. I started this Substack to share chapters and document my next book, Library Confidential, but now I’m at the point where I need to separate the book writing from the newsletter writing. It’s been fun, it’s forced me to really get some good words up and out of me - but it’s also slowing me down.
There is this thing that happens when writers talk too much about their work before it’s written. The subconscious mind experiences the relief of telling the story without writing the story - and then the story kind of “goes dark” in the writer. The story is no longer blinking red, flashing in their mind to write it, because the story has been told and it feels done.
Even if it’s not done.
I don’t want that to happen, so I need to pivot a bit and keep the two thing separate. I’ll keep you posted on how the book is going, and other projects as necessary.
I’ve got a lot of little writing seeds planted, and a few of them are starting to push up leaves and flowers, so I’ll still send out updates, inspiration and random things about the writing life that catch my attention about once a month. More if something exciting happens.
–
My daughter started her junior year of high school, and turned 16 in July, so lately it’s been hitting me HARD that we are on the short end of our time together under one roof. My life as Mom is going to look a lot different in a few years.
She’s learning to drive, and is already taking college classes. In two short years she will be moving into a college dorm somewhere - and I’m just…well, it takes my breath away and makes me a little weepy. She’s been such a great kid. Both of them have been.
My son, almost 14, is a baritone with a mustache. I am now the shortest person in our house besides the dog and cat.
I feel like I’m mourning their baby-selves, their smallness, their sweet gap-tooth smiles. I’m so glad I took a SHIT TON of pictures and videos of them, because this all feels like a bit of grief. Damn the cliche - it really is surreal. Their childhoods just zoomed by.
Tangled there in that bit of grief is some relief, too. I’ve been in Mommy mode for so many years that I’m starting to imagine what it’ll be like when it’s just me and the Hub again. What will we do with ourselves when we’re not in parent mode all the time? When the kids move out for good and we have the house to ourselves?
It’s still a glimmer on the horizon, and it’ll be weird. But also - whew. What a ride.
The future will be here soon enough, and my baby birds will fly the nest when it’s time, so I want to focus on RIGHT NOW. I want to have fun and make more good memories with them while they’re still in our house.
—
In March, I took my daughter to see Taylor Swift on the opening night of the Era’s Tour here in Arizona at the football stadium in BFE Glendale. Babygirl has been obsessed with T. Swift for many years, and out of curiosity at her excitement, I kept an open mind and started listening.
Over this past year, I feel like I’ve had an epiphany about Taylor Swift. The deeper I go into her catalog of songs the more shocked I am at how great she is as a songwriter. Every song is a mini-movie of sound and story.
I LOVE a well-crafted song with interesting lyrics that I can sing to. Doesn’t matter the genre. I like what I like. T. Swift has brought me so much joy this past year, and on many levels. If there is a bandwagon, I’m driving the damn thing.
The tickets were a Christmas gift and we could only afford the nosebleeds, but in all honesty I kind of wish we’d tapped the savings account for floor seats because it really was the best damn concert I have ever seen in my life.
Since it was the first night of the tour, we didn’t know what to expect, and I was NOT expecting an almost 3 ½ hour, 44 song set list, and 10+ costume changes.
I was blown away by Taylor Swift’s performance, and her dancers and musicians. Phenomenal stamina and professionalism. It really was next level stuff. The production was breathtaking, really.
We even contemplated getting tickets for us to the Denver show and flying up there just to experience it again. Instead, we bought tickets to other concerts.
We’ve been following the Era’s tour online. Babygirl and I compare notes on the weekend about the previous nights’ show - which surprise songs were played? Was there a stage malfunction? Was there torrential rain and was the show delayed? Did TS actually perform in the rain in full costume and high heels until 2am like the complete badass she is? Did you hear about the awesome bonuses she handed out to her crew?
I really did not expect this level of excellence from a Pop Star. She has set the bar really really high for other performers and songwriters.
Lately, it’s gotten to the point that I’m listening to a TS playlist while I do chores and make dinner.
My husband said to me the other night: “What is with your obsession with Taylor Swift lately? Are we never to hear Metallica in this house again? Or Gun’s N’ Roses? Or TOOL?”
I said to him in the most loving and direct way: “HUSH YOUR MOUTH OLD MAN AND LISTEN TO THE BRIDGE.”
(wink wink, fellow Swifties…)
It was an awesome first concert experience for my daughter. We laughed, we cried, we screamed our lungs out and my legs almost fell off from the stadium stairs but it was very, very much worth it. We got to see something really special.
—
I’m taking my son to see Metallica this Friday.
More stadium stairs, dammit, but I haven’t seen them in 29 years and the kid is a huge fan. His dad is taking him for night two, on Sunday.
And we’re taking both kids to see Guns N’ Roses in October.
We’ll all go see TOOL, as well, when they swing back through town. TOOL was my son’s first concert, four years ago, on a school night, for his 10th birthday. My good friend Karen sent him an awesome TOOL shirt which he wore until he outgrew it.
I want my kids to experience these shows, to see the legends in top form. How many more tours will they do? All these guys are in their sixties, or close to it.
And believe me, it’s not like we’re forcing our kids - they are STOKED to go. My daughter wore her GnR shirt to school today- the one we bought at Hot Topic. :-)
Even with my deep infatuation for T. Swift lately, I’ll always be a metalhead-rocker-rebel. I just have an open heart about music. I can’t be dismissive of something where it brings joy, or connection even if it is the most popular thing right now.
Whether you have kids or not - making memories, making sure you enjoy your life, your family, your friends, your favorite artists - that you make some time for travel, connection, true joy and ritual and celebration and good vibes with your fellow human beings - it’s important.
Really important. We are making up for lost time with all the Covid craziness.
All we have is right here, right now.
—
I’m forcing myself to sit and write every single day and it’s a relief. Stuff is easier to download. The pipes flow and remain unclogged the more I use them.
But, I will admit - it’s hard on the body in a way I wasn’t expecting. My right shoulder was frozen for a full year, my left knee is now acting wonky. I need a standing desk, and a small treadmill under it, honestly, if I’m to keep at this without wrecking myself.
With Library Confidential, the book, I’m exploring whether or not to include the period of my life leading up to library school - that 9 years between leaving Los Angeles in 1992, and moving back to attend UCLA in 2001. I’ve had a few people ask me about that era, and so I’ve decided to write about it to see what comes up.
Examining some of that time period has inspired a lot of “what if’s” about my life, so I’ve also been forcing myself to just sit and bang out a few crappy fiction plots and outlines just to see if I can find my way into something interesting.
A few days ago I sat for two solid hours and came up with a really awful, rough outline of a story arc based on a character that would, of course, be my alter ego, or “the person I would have become if I had made a few different choices along the way…”
That’s always a fun endeavor. What would have happened if I’d stayed in LA? Or had a friendship with so-and-so? Or said yes to that crazy offer to go on the road? All of those are story possibilities.
Who would I be now? What would I be doing if I hadn’t gotten married or had kids?
In my minds’ eye, I’d be living in Topanga writing very successful novels, a few of which have been turned into movies. I’d be doing yoga, making herbal tinctures and keeping too many pets. I’d have an African Gray parrot that talked to me. I’d have a big outdoor fireplace made of river rocks, surrounded by old oak trees, and I’d invite interesting friends over for dinner and wine. I’d have a gentleman friend, but not one that I had to live with. I’d go to the ocean every day.
I see this stuff very visually in my mind, but I’m not sure if I’m writing a book about this character. Maybe a movie? A TV show? I don’t know. The only way to find out is to keep writing to see what stays alive in my body. To see which seeds will sprout. I can wrestle the story into it’s proper format when it makes more sense to me.
A few screenwriter friends of mine are pushing me to get something finished - a spec script - while the WGA strike is ongoing so that I’ll have something to pitch when things get resolved. I think a lot of screenwriters are probably doing that. I should probably do that.
(If only the big Hollywood studios treated writers like Taylor Swift treats her truck drivers…)
—
Shortly after the death of acclaimed writer Cormac McCarthy, I read that he often had multiple projects to work on at once. It’s how his mind worked - writing one thing, editing another, researching something else. Once I read that little tidbit about his process, I felt much less guilty about my own ADHD habits.
I like having multiple things to work on. It keeps my brain engaged, always busy, always hunting and pecking for more information, always seeking connections, ironies, oddities, patterns that make sense, slots that need to be filled. I work on things, then retreat, waiting for more information to arrive, or for solutions to a problem.
I also know, at some point, I’ll dig in and hyper-focus. Like, the project has to be at a certain flashpoint for me to take it all the way home.
And honestly? I’m not worried. I always find a way. Help always arrives. The right people show up. I can figure things out as I go.
These things do take time.
I trust that each project that I’m working on - whether more fully-formed or still yet a seedling, and nebulous - has its own energetic timeline and intelligence, and that those projects will sprout for me in an intuitive and natural way as long as I keep watering and tending to them.
I don’t know if I’m doing any of this right. I don’t know if I’m doing it wrong.
But, I’m DOING IT. Regardless.
The path only reveals itself if you’re walking on it, and flowers only grow if you water them.
—
Thanks for being here, Dear Reader.
Until next time, I’ll leave you with My Ultimate Taylor Swift Playlist.
(Indulge me. My birthday is coming up. Know the song, know the woman.)
Happy listening and writing and creating.
“Life was never worse, but never better…”
With love,
AMO
My Ultimate Taylor Swift Playlist:
Mary’s Song - Sweet country song with a great story and chorus.
Back to December - Beautiful song.
Speak Now - Hilarious, sweet song.
Mean - Love it.
Enchanted - Oh, the drama. I love this song.
Innocent - This made me catch my breath and cry.
Long Live - Sob! What an anthem!
Red - this reminds me of an ex boyfriend, and has such a great beat.
All too Well - Just great, great lyrics.
The Entire 1989 Album. This is perfection in a pop album.
Getaway Car - What a great song.
Gorgeous - Cute and funny.
Miss Americana - “play stupid games, you win stupid prizes”.
Cornelia Street - sweet little beat and chorus.
Gold Rush - Just a beautiful chorus and beat.
Exile - beautiful song, a duet, beautifully arranged.
No Body, No Crime - I love the murder revenge song.
Betty - “would you tell me to go fuck myself?” I love it.
Last Great American Dynasty - What a great story within a song. Badass.
I Can See You - Sounds like the 1980’s to me and super-catchy.
Lavender Haze - great deep bass tone, throbbing. Love it.
You’re On Your Own, Kid - this song makes me cry every time.
Bejeweled - More deep bass and SHIMMER.
Vigilante Shit - I love the DEEP bass tone on this one. Simple and vicious.
Karma - What a song. I’ve never had a song make me so happy.
“…There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen.
I had a marvelous time, ruining everything…”
--Last Great American Dynasty, T. Swift.
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