October, Part One.
The first week of October is Fall break for the kids, and this year we went to Colorado, just north of Denver, to see family and meet a new baby (yay!). After a few days there, we drove back south and to a cabin in the mountains, about four hours from where we were with family, and closer to Phoenix for the road trip home.
The drive was stunning - down and around Colorado Springs and onto a couple of state routes with glimpses of Pikes Peak. Then through a forest and rolling mountains, and into a huge gorgeous valley full of ranches and horses and cows and bison. The town of Westcliffe sits in the middle of this valley, but we continued west across some county roads that became unpaved, and then we were up into the Sangre de Cristo mountains.
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The family played card games in the lodge while we waited to check in to the cabin. It was 40 degrees out, and a perfect afternoon. I went back to the Jeep to lay down. I reclined the seat, put a scarf over my eyes, and passed out for a little while.
I woke to the sound of sleet hitting the windshield. The Jeep was chilly, but I was warm. I looked through the rain-smeared passenger window, and three beautiful mule deer were just yards away from me, calmly eating in a small clearing.
As quietly and as gently as I could, I exited the Jeep and tried to avoid the mud. The forest creatures looked at me. I said hello and they kept on munching. I stood there in the drizzle and watched them.
It was approaching dusk and although we were up in the trees, I could see the valley below and the shadows of clouds across an expanse of pastel fields and pink-blue sky and beige ranches. Everything looked shimmering and opalescent.
Do you ever see something so beautiful it’s hard to believe that it’s real? Do you ever feel the energy of a place so profoundly that you want to disappear into the forest and become one with nature?
That’s how I felt being in this place.
I finally felt unplugged from the “real world”.
But this was as real as it could get, out in the middle of nowhere.
For the entire trip, we explored the property and all the curiosities up and down the creek that flowed just behind the cabin. It was cold, it was damp, it was a treat for us desert rats. We took little game trails into the forest, identifying plants, trees, fungus, and even a bit of scat by the cabin that I am convinced was a large feline.
The amazing snow capped thirteen and fourteeners that were just a few miles away from us were framed through the thick trees, peeking at us during the day. I ventured out into the darkness one night and was rewarded by the Milky Way, shocking in its clarity.
I was totally at peace. I felt safe. Away from people. Away from schedules. Away from the city and the noise and the traffic and the chores. I was on Mountain Time. I hadn’t read any news for an entire week, nor did I want to.
We made it back to Phoenix a few days later and settled back into the routine. We had tickets to see Guns N’ Roses with Alice In Chains opening, so we were in the thick of humanity again pretty quickly. We took the kids to the show and it was STELLAR - but more about that, maybe next time.
I realized once we were back into our daily life after vacation that I had been on a nice break from the news and all the negativity in the world. I had caught glimpses and seen a few things, but no in-depth reading. Even after two weeks, I felt a little Rip Van Winkle. I hadn’t seen the latest horrors and outrages, and I must say - it was absolutely delightful.
Ironically, my friend Sam has a new book coming out and it’s called The Negativity Fast.
I think the timing of this book is absolutely brilliant. It’s different from his past books that were written for a specific business-minded audience. This one - he’s going WIDE, and I love it. He’s the real deal, with a publisher and everything.
He’s also one of the smartest people I know. And I’ve known him since I was 16 and he was the long-haired singer in a band called Bad Reputation with my friend Kevin. If you read first two books you’ll remember my stories about them.
The reason I’m highlighting his book isn’t just because I know him, or that he’s brilliant. It's because there is a genuine need for us all - especially those of us who are sensitive, artistic, empathic - to take a break from all of the existential gloom and doom that pervades our society right now. To literally take a Negativity Fast.
It’s the equivalent of an energetic anti-inflammatory.
In order to protect our creative and divine energy, we as individuals can purposefully maximize the dimensional reality that we’re in. Like, taking care of ourselves, taking care of others, making art, eating well, growing things, and as Cheryl Strayed says: “putting yourself in the way of beauty.” It’s good medicine for the soul.
Look, I know we can’t bury our heads in the sand completely. But we can purposefully limit our consumption of negativity. The anxiety and the fear-porn and the doom-scrolling and the disconnection from the natural world - it’s not good for us. It can actually trigger physiological changes in our bodies.
Ask me how I know.
But we can purposely, mindfully refuse it. We can refuse to be divided from our own peace. We can refuse to participate in consuming the poison. It doesn’t mean we are misinformed. It just means that you curate and consume your information sources with a certain ruthlessness.
We still have that luxury and responsibility.
October used to just be October with fun Halloween revelry at the end of the month in which I would look forward to rescuing and consuming too many Almond Joys from the bottom of my kids’ treat bags.
Now things have changed and poor October carries a lot of other responsibilities.
As a writer, lately I’ve noticed a lot of October frenzy over getting ready for NEXT month, which is NaNoWriMo. It’s all become a big thing.
It used to be, just sit down and bang out a 50k word novel draft in November.
Now everyone want to get ready and have everything planned out in October. There are all kinds of support and groups and workshops you can take to get ready for the holy month of NaNoWriMo.
And look, I love the idea of having a plan, my librarian self loves a good outline and index - but I also lean on the side of intuitively pantsing my way through shit.
I think it’s a cool idea, trying to bang out a novel draft in a month. I’ve heard great stories about how novelists launched their writing careers with the momentum that NaNoWriMo gave them.
I’ve always been a bit ambivalent about it, but with so many projects kind of circling in my energy field lately I’ve been thinking - what CAN I do in November? What ONE THING should I focus on, power through and get a workable draft completed?
I’m making good progress with Library Confidential, the memoir, simply by the force of this newsletter, compelling me to write sections of it on a regular basis.
There is an underlying story that is a part of Library Confidential that I want to explore more in a screenplay, and that is corruption and malfeasance by the City that I worked for.
Just this week, another story has hit the local news about ethics concerns, and ironically, I have the draft of a fictional screenplay based on some of my experiences as a librarian that’s about 20% laid out - and the scenarios between that and what is actually happening in real time are so similar, it’s a little spooky.
I think it’s a sign. I gotta get this screenplay done.
It’s the thing that is vexing me most. The thing I’ve been avoiding and a bit afraid of. I’m sick of myself over it. I really don’t like the way it makes me feel, having an undone project hanging around my energetic field weighing me down. Time to bring it to the front and handle it.
Stop being a pansy and just effing HANDLE it.
My goal: A screenplay. Something done, readable, and share-able.
I’m noting my intention here to keep myself accountable.
November. Let’s do this.
Ok, so the last thing for now: October is also Breast Cancer Awareness month.
I didn’t hear much about it this year, which was kind of refreshing, since I do sometimes get annoyed at constantly being reminded that I went through it.
But, I also need to write about it as part of the Library Confidential memoir. I need to do this work and, like, move on.
So, I’ll be sending out a section of Library Confidential the memoir as a separate email. The word length to include it all here felt a little rude to me. And maybe not everyone wants to read it all right now.
So look for October, Part 2. I’ll be sending it out within the next hour or so.
It’s a little rough and a little long. It’ll no doubt go through much editing for the book. But in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, I offer the first part of my story to you, raw and “good enough” for now.
See you in the next email.
Love,
AMO
Library Confidential is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.